CrimeFest is booking. People are already thinking about Theakston’s Crime. I’m putting my name down for Bloody Scotland in 2019. I’m definitely going back to Morecambe and Vice. Here is my list of things I’d say to any writer doing a panel for the first time:
- Be interesting. Writers imagine that they are fascinating; very occasionally they are mistaken. You’re interesting if you have something interesting to say. Facts, anecdotes and jokes are good. Above all be yourself, but the interesting bit of yourself. Like books themselves, making this seem effortless can take a bit of preparation.
- You’re not the only person on the panel. A small number of writers see panels as a competitive sport in which the object is to do the most speaking. Even if you are extremely interesting, chances are the audience, who’ve probably come to hear the woman you’re talking over, just think you’re being a dick.
- With that in mind: Maybe know who your fellow panellists are. If you’ve time, read a book of theirs; at the very least take the time to find out what they’ve done. You might find you’ve got something you want to ask them yourself.
- In fact, Don’t just say stuff, ask stuff. Turn to your fellow panellists and ask them questions. Ask the audience something. It’s nice.
- Though nice is good, You don’t have to agree with everything. Three or four people nodding to everything each other says can be a bit dull. If you don’t agree with something that another writer – or the chair – says, speak up. A genuine discussion might actually start. You can almost feel the audience sit up a little straighter when that happens.
- Be nice to the chair too. More often than not, they are good people who have given up their hours to read a large pile of books in order to make you look as shiny as possible. If they’re a writer themselves, why not ask them a question. If you do it right, it won’t even sound that creepy.
- Don’t be dispirited if no one comes. Every writer has a pocket full of stories about that. Book events are not as exciting as rock concerts or circuses. It’s really hard to persuade people to turn out.
- Don’t be dispirited, either, when nobody comes up to ask you to sign their book afterwards. However brilliant you are, building a readership is hard. Console yourself with the fantasy that someone shy at the back of the room has ordered the book on Amazon while you were talking. They’re going to read it and tell fifty friends it was amazing.
- Check your flies. As I walked on stage recently to do a panel with Elly Griffiths and Isabelle Grey I noticed my flies were undone. There was no table either.
- Enjoy it. The people you meet and are respectful to on panels will be your pals for life.